What if we fly?featured
There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask, “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?
Many of you may recognize this poem, or at least the last two or three lines. When I began writing this blog, I wanted a name that would communicate the kind of life we are building. Being a dreamer, I also wanted it to capture the essence of what drives my writing and inspires our life. I had seen the last lines of this poem time and again on Pinterest, Etsy, and numerous other social media outlets. It sparked my interest, but I found it a bit cheesy. One day I decided to see who the author was. I discovered the poem in its entirety as well as a wealth of beautiful works from Erin Hanson.
As with all great poetry, I am at a loss to explain why it strikes the deepest chords in my soul. These 27 words leave me (almost) speechless even after reading it hundreds of times.
It’s thrilling to consider that it really could be that simple. That the answer to the stress and pressure of being “normal” is to look elsewhere for happiness. I find it so easy, especially with the wealth of information at my fingertips, to read an article and assume that if I follow a certain set of prescribed steps, I will achieve the end result of being perfect. Or having perfect kids. A perfect marriage. A universally enviable life. And it temporarily tricks me into believing that perfection is my goal.
Fortunately, I live with toddlers, and those ridiculous visions are quickly squashed. Then I remember that my goal for myself and our family is not to be perfect. During our baptism class for Molly, we were asked to choose one character trait to describe the person we hoped she’d become. I said “joyful,” and Jeff said “someone who lives with integrity.” The combination of those two traits is at the heart of our decision making when we’re at our best. It is what pushes us to choose an authentic life that at its core is driven by love, not by fear.
Perhaps the most striking part of the poem for me is her recognition and naming of fear. I have struggled with anxiety for years, and the most effective method I’ve learned to prevent a downward spiral is to name the fear and simply sit with it. To let my body respond in its familiar physical manifestations. And wait. And trust that it will subside. And instead of being left with the consequences of a series of decisions made out of fear, I’m left in stillness. With more confidence to recognize the next time my motivation shifts to fear and ability to hold my response until my decision can be made from quiet.
This life we’re choosing can be frightening. What if we find ourselves in a dangerous situation? What if one or all of us is hurt or killed? What if our daughters aren’t successful because we made different choices? What if not watching TV is disadvantaging them? What if being on the move this much harms their sense of security? And the list goes on. It does us no good to ignore these “what ifs” because they will continue to grow and hold space in our lives. Over the last couple of years we’ve discussed each of them in depth, and our conclusion every time has been that to make a different choice, we’d be choosing fear.
Certainly our decisions are not some sort of universal “non fear” option. But for us, they are. We discover more each time we travel that this is the life we truly love living. Every time we find another way to simplify, we bask in the peace it brings. I don’t fear disruption of our routine. I’m not afraid of the world and the people in it. I’m no longer tied to a vision or plan of how I thought my life would be. I don’t worry that I’m wasting my life or waiting for it to start.
We could fail. This self-imposed experiment could turn into an epic disaster. And yet, the possibility of it succeeding is enough to quiet the fears surrounding it. And from the quiet, I can see its worth and beauty.
