Our sweet Rachael passed on Sunday, July 2 after a sudden decline in the last week. In a time when it’s hard to find words to make sense of this tragedy, we know Rachael would have wanted you all to hear from her, one last time.
“…this all points to metastatic cancer. I’m so sorry.” Deafened by the buzzing in my ears, I stared in confusion at my hands. My arms. My legs that somehow didn’t buckle despite the dizzying panic coursing through my veins. “Betrayed!” my brain screamed as it urged me to flee. To abandon this diseased, broken form. Read more
When you were born, I broke. Quite literally. It started with my water breaking six hours before your scheduled induction and five days past your expected due date. Quickly followed by a bleary 2AM race to the hospital praying that the unexpected bleeding would stop and you would be safe. Continued with a tense ten hours of Read more
Dear heart, There may come a time when the weight of the world becomes unbearable. When darkness pushes so intently on every side that you begin to doubt that light is true. That love is steadfast. That holy, beautiful things can exist alongside so much pain and suffering. I plead ceaselessly that God will let Read more
I’m not a marathon runner. At best, I’m a dreadfully slow sprinter. At times I can summon a heroic burst of energy, but sustaining it over miles and hours seems like an insurmountable task. This past month has often seemed insurmountable. Four chemo treatments scheduled and cancelled because of insurance and doctor’s office delays. Phone Read more
“We must understand the creation of home as a work of incarnational power and creativity. ‘Kingdom Come’ doesn’t happen on some cosmic scale; the whole point is that it invades the physical at the humblest level. As Christ was born a tiny human child of Mary, so Christ comes again, invading the human realm in Read more
Daniel 3:18 (title verse inspired by Brick House in the City) As I sit here on the eve of my next set of scans, our home entering into the quiet that will fill almost all the hours until I leave for my appointment, I’m reflecting on my friend Meg’s words. And there’s something I need Read more
“I’m sitting here wondering if this will be my last Mother’s Day this side of heaven.” Words sent to a dear friend that I had tried desperately not to acknowledge all day. Trying to beat back the creeping anguish of my uncertain health, fearing it would diminish the deep joy I have in being a Read more
Weeks after the world turned upside down, our little world was rocked by a seismic shift. We had seen the diffuse spread of my cancer and hints of a particularly large tumor. Even though we were days away from knowing the source or full extent, we knew that my prognosis was likely terminal. Any medical Read more
There are rare days when my soul is the sunrise. Young. New. Bursting with light. Exultant with joy. Brimming with promise. Most days, my soul is the sunset. Calm. At peace. The bright distinctions of day blurring gently in warm strokes of pink and purple as the deepest blue ushers in soft starlight. Complete. Today, Read more
